Thoughts On the Whiny (Namely Me)

Back. Again. I was reading past blogs and I came upon the 2007 and the Great Beyond post...Christ it was whiny. Why would anyone want to willfully read that?! I sure as flying fuck didn't, yet did. But it did bring something to my attention: I whine...a lot. And it's bloody pointless!

Irregardless (heh), the blog did make me think. My outlook in that tedious, pompous, suffocating piece of written word was, for lack of a better word, shit (nope, that word works just fine). Yes, my outlook was bleak (I was venting and can you blame me [yes. yes you certainly can]), but I should have known that shit always gets better, no matter what the circumstance. All I had to do was take a look at my life now. It isn’t perfect, but that would be boring anyway. In the aforementioned blog, I complained about how I was alone and had no friends or band or girlfriend or some other bullshit, but things have changed. I’m quite happy with where I am. 2007 was not the best year of my life. I recall many periods during that year where I felt like a complete horse's ass. I’m glad to say that I haven’t experienced the best year of my life, and you know what (what, Lude? WHAT?!), I hope the best year of my life is my last. That may sound convoluted, and that’s because it is, but what would be the point to life if you had already experienced the best it had to offer? I say always search for something better, the best is never good enough! (I am currently teaching a pseudo psychologic therapy class at the school of life!).

What I am trying to convey is that people always come onto blogs to talk about how their lives suck, and that is the wrong way to go about things. People say that you have to get out your anger and frustrations and I totally agree, but telling the whole goddamned world is not the way to do it (that’s what stress balls are for!). I believe (and remember, my opinion is law) that people should come onto blogs like these to talk about beauty, to describe the everyday things that make life worth living. I know I sound like a yogurt commercial, but it is what’s going to make you feel better. What’s better, describing how pissed off you feel and only becoming more pissed off at being pissed off at the fact that you’re pissed off, or describing how you overcame that pissed off feeling? I used to be so angry with everything in my life, but now I just try to find some trace of beauty in the mad workings of life

That’s what I am dedicating my life to: beauty. I don’t want anything else. I doubt many people will ever read this blog but that isn’t the point. I want this blog to be a representation of who I am and who I strive to be. Not who I am when I’m pissed off. I’m still so damn young, and to believe that I’ve already met my only love or only friends is complete poppycock! I don’t mean to be preachy or pretentious, I just mean to be me (that's a bit redundant). That’s why I’m going to keep writing in here; I want to better myself as a person. And hey, if anyone wants to read the inane ramblings of a mad man, then they are welcome to do so.

…wow, that got serious….

Currently listening to: Torches by Foster the People

Back on the Wagon!

...when it comes to writing in this blog. It's nearly been a year...or it has been a year....So, I think I'll provide an update. Absolutely fuckall has happened since my last post!

That's it.

I never ended up going to New York like I had hoped. Instead, Chris and I went to Bonnaroo which was amazing. That's all I've got to say on that.

The real reason I'm here is so I can tell you (avid reader) that I'm back, baby! WITH A VENGEANCE!!! Well, not really. I'm just gonna use this blog to better my writing skillz. (See! I'm getting better already!) You see (because I'm sure you're dying to know) I'm writing a novel! *adjusts collar smugly* And I think writing down thoughts that drift out of the abyss and into my oversized head will do my writing skillz some good (plus, this blog will be a good laugh to look back on one day.

Anyway, that's about it...Uh...this is awkward.....

Currently listening to: "Suede" by Suede.

Conquest!

Aw the chance to see New York is seriously driving me nuts! This road trip that Chris and i have cooked up is quite exhilarating to even think about but the money of course poses a problem. I can get 300 for working for three weeks for his parents, but that only covers about half. I guess i'll have to whore myself if i am to get the rest. but if all goes according to plan in a month and 5 days Chris and I will be setting out on the adventure of a lifetime. I haven't gone east since 2003 so this will be different, but exciting.

Anyway, just keeping the people who don't read this posted (or rather keeping myself from going insane due to the pressure of finals and the looming adventure!).

Anyway (i say that too much...anyway) Ta!

Currently Listening To: "Two Suns" by Bat for Lashes, and "Friendly Fires" by Friendly Fires.

Road Trippin' (maybe)

Yo suckas!

I know i have not been writing in this everyday as i said i would, because frankly it would be boring. but now i have a reason, a purpose to say what i need to say, to convey the sights, tastes, smells, and emotions i will encounter in the next two months, for Chris and i have begun to prepare a massive road trip across this great country of ours. it would start in Denver (duh) and move to Kansas City, from there we would go to Indianapolis where Chris has relatives. After staying there for a day or two we would head down south to Manchester, Tennessee where we would attend the Bonnaroo Festival for four days. From there we would be headin up north to New York City where Chris has a friend who can show us the city. After a day or two there we would stab west back home, stopping yet again in Indianapolis to rest and eat, before returning to Denver. In total the trip would take between 15 to 17 days and cover 4,111 miles, costing roughly between 600 and 700 dollars...each. Now, i am aware that a multitude of things could go wrong, but if Chris and i do succeed in this journey will come back changed men. I will post daily between now and the day we are to leave. This will help me get through the next two grueling weeks of finals and help to document the build up. I will keep a journal on the road and, when i get back, post it here. this should prove to be quite an interesting quest, given that we are able to go in the first place. BUT i have hope! Gooday!

Currently listening to: "Kasabian" by Kasabian.

RIGHT!

So I've decided to get some use out this ol' girl (the blog that is) and start posting something everyday even if it is complete horseshit. It will be a diary (or journal because that sounds manlier) of sorts. Got inspired by "The Basketball Diaries." Great film, though hopefully I won't get addicted to heroin like him. This will be a place to collect my thoughts and hopefully will help to tone my writing skills. Fuck it, it's not like anyone is gonna read this.

Anyway, the last week has been stress with a steaming pile of more stress on top of it. No rest for the wicked i suppose because now even as i write this i am supposed to be reading philosophies about Gaia. Now don't get me wrong, i love Gaia, but sleep seems more appropriate (I say appropriate because i honestly don't sleep much these days, "I hate those little slices of death"). I've literally been having tests and quizzes for the past month and it is starting to get on my nerves, but enough of that shit. No one cares.

Ummmmmmmm......so what's in the paper.......

Just kidding, anyway (I say that too much).....shit. That's all I've got to say. I guess....can't think of anything. Ugggg, now i just feel like all those "bloggers" out there spewing their random bullshit, but i will persevere! Even if for my own personal reasons.

Currently listening to: A Hundred Days Off by Underworld

2007 and the Great Beyond

I have been thinking quite a lot about the year 2007. it was a good year, in fact it was the best year of my life by far. it had everything from the good to the bad. life seemed so simple back then (how cliche).I met several of my best friends, i joined a band with those friends and wrote music and played my first live shows, i went to England which i had been dying to to do since i was 12, i went to france and bought the best coat known to man, i found my perfect woman (though i fucked that up pretty fast), and i had the best summer of my life spent fucking around on the streets of denver. it was so perfect.

  And now all of these things make me so sad. i loved my friends but things have changed now and i don't trust any of them (except Chris, but i met him in 2004). England and France were the best places i have ever been to and i am going to live in England one day, but waiting is the worst feeling ever. it was like i got a taste and now i have to wait forever, though that taste was the most amazing 10 days of my life. and when i got back i asked Brittany to prom and she said yes by kissing me. it was like a scene out of a movie and it was so amazing, but now we don't talk and i am petrified to know what she thinks of me (like i said, i fucked that up royally). my band has broken up and i have barely touched my bass in the last two years, though i am writing a lot more lyrics so i guess that's an upside. That year, i guess, was just too good to last. everything was falling into place and then it shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. i want things to go back to the way they were but i know that is impossible. how can you hang out with someone when you don't treat each other like you used to? i know this sounds pathetic and that is because it is, but i am sick of longing for a year that passed 3 years ago. i want new things to emerge but it seems i am stuck in the same old rut. i have hope, but i am tired of waiting....

Currently Listening to: A Weekend In the City by Bloc Party (specifically "I Still Remember")

Also

Everytime i click to see "next blog" it is always either not in English or made by some computer hacker sharing his "secrets." odd.